My Views on the 4th of July Celebration

and More Erma Bombeck Conference Questions

“We need to drive to Carbondale to swap modem boxes.”

“Please add that to our To Do List of Things That We Will Never Do.”

“We don’t have one.”

“Let’s start one.”

My doctor has advised me to go on a news fast for the sake of my blood pressure (and it worked.). If you are under similar advisement, stop reading here.

I just broke my fast a couple of days ago. What happened America? I was away two or three weeks and this is what happens when I leave you alone? Am I to understand the White House has cemented over the South Lawn to build an extreme fighting arena for the country’s 250th anniversary?

This 4th of July feels a lot like when I hear an ex-band members on podcasts talk glowingly about their times with the band despite the breakup being bitter. On the 4th, will we look back at all the good memories, our greatest hits, or harbor resentment and dwell on what feels like an inevitable divorce?¹