The Torment of Leisure
Special Sports & Recreation Issue: Part 1
Happy Memorial Day. I hope everyone is doing well and getting ready for summer: digging out the badminton set, oiling your baseball mitt, regripping that tennis racquet, and finally building those cornhole boards.
I had a dozen sport pieces to choose from so I’m breaking it up into two parts with Part 2 appearing in a couple of weeks.
By the way, Leisure, is one of my favorite XTC songs from the masterpiece English Settlement. I love the notion of the old England settlement. Not to go back that far but to the 15th century, I had an opportunity to play royal tennis or court tennis as it is now more commonly known, one of the oldest and strangest sports in the world, an ancestor of today’s tennis. The Tennis Hall of Fame in Newport, Rhode Island has a rare court tennis. There is a “moat” in the center of the court, with sixty or so balls to play a match, and has small nets surrounding the perimeter, one filled with bells that if hit, wins one the point out right. Red out-of-bounds lines existed thirty feet over my head. Every court has, on only one side, a protruding cubby hole a la Fenway Park outfield. There is a pineapple painted on the court for reasons that still haven’t been explained to me. More in a future issue after the feature is published.
In the meantime here are a couple of illustrations for my upcoming book Footnotes From the Most Fascinating Museums (Chronicle Books, 2024). I have finished 155 illustrations for the book.
(I’m sometimes asked how I produce so much work and I will address that briefly for those who sincerely want an answer. First, I DID stop teaching and tutoring this year. A few years ago I asked two people I know how they got so much done. One was my friend, writer/documentarist Joe Kolman. He used to wake up at 5 and 6am to write before going to his Wall Street job. Now, most mornings I wake up around 5:30am to write. By 9 or 10, I am working on other business and illustrations. That’s enough time to usually get done a short story slated for somewhere. The second person I asked is a frienemy and famous artist whose name I will not use. It’s all about her and she invests no time on anything that is not directly effecting her cause. I can’t recommend that but she also said she watches no TV. I have not seen any show anyone has been discussing the past twenty years. Succession, Breaking Bad, Mad Men, Sorpranos…anything. I am sure I’m missing a lot of good stuff but there is no way I could have finished the 50+ books I worked on without cutting out television. Well, those are my two tips involving finding more time in the day. You don’t have to go to those extremes—I don’t work every morning at 5 and I watch Yankee games when I can.)
Yes, We're Gambling on Spelling Bees Now
by Bob Eckstein
from Big Laugh Comedy.com
Betting action for the Scripps National Spelling Bee has never been more illecebrous, with a plethora of exhilarating contingencies. This year the event takes place Memorial Day weekend to June 2 with the championships in the nation’s capital.
Best Bets;
George Opoku-Appoh III
Age 11 Grade 6
I.Q.: 168
Nickname: George Opoku-Appoh III
Bio: His hobbies include bifurcation physics and Pokémon.
Favorite Sport: None
Favorite Word: quadrivium
Hobbies: “Traveling through Lithuania, incognito.”
Favorite Quote: “There is no need to use a fifty-dollar word when a $ million-dollar word will do.”
Tell: Squeals like a pig when he knows the spelling of an exceptionally difficult word.
Jessica Bounkousonh-Hewitt
Age 14 Grade 8
I.Q.: 268
Nickname: Teacher’s Pet
Bio: Jessica thinks she’s Emily Bronte.
Hobbies: Baking cookies, writing novels and Hawaiian textiles.
Favorite Word: mellifluous
Favorite Quote: “You should talk.” Used in a sentence: “I need to hurry up and get dressed?
Nickname: The Pulverizer
Bio: Jessica’s entrepreneurial spirit and fascination with securities have led her to become a highly successful entrepreneur and highly unpopular with her classmates.
Hobbies: Mergers, hostile takeovers and student business competitions.
Favorite Word: interlocutory
Favorite Quote: “Life is like a spelling bee—it’s something I’m really good at.”
Tell: Starts looking on her iPhone
Albert Lee
Age 6 First year Med school
I.Q.: 348
Nicknames: Albert Einstein, The Owl, Yoda M.D., Dr. Minion, Oompa Loompa.
Bio: Captain of math team, chess team, and debate club.
Hobbies: Making a fort out of blankets and pillows.
Favorite Word: stromuhr
Favorite Quote: “His I.Q. is 348.”
Tell: starts speaking Latin
Sydney Muthukumar
Age 11 Grade 8
I.Q.: 220
Nickname: The Pulverizer
Bio: Jessica’s entrepreneurial spirit and fascination with securities have led her to become a highly successful entrepreneur and highly unpopular with her classmates.
Hobbies: Mergers, hostile takeovers and student business competitions.
Favorite Word: interlocutory
Favorite Quote: “Life is like a spelling bee—it’s something I’m really good at.”
Tell: Starts reciting the stock market commodities
Heather Alfano
Age N/A
Registered nurse at Greenfield Hospital
Bio: Heather is raising two children on her own.
Hobbies: Tinder
Favorite Word: Cunningness makes Heather laugh out loud.
Favorite Quote: “Mommy needs some me time.”
Tell: Starts dropping the f-bomb, left and right.
Nick Palieo
age 15 H.S. sophomore
I.Q.: 155
Nickname: Killer Bee
Bio: Nick has a lot of plates he’s spinning.
Hobbies: Programming his own computer games and online gambling. Nick has a membership at Top Golf, where he conducts business.
Favorite Word: phlegm
Favorite Quote: “I’m the Tom Brady of spelling bees.”
Tell: Makes funny noises
When I said in the last issue there is little that can be done when your work is used without your permission on social media, the CartoonStock corrected me and explained there are actions I can take to remove art used without your permission online.
“One can use a DMCA (The Digital Millennium Copyright Act) take down notice––we don't receive any compensation for these, but at least the cartoon is removed from Facebook. You can either do this yourself by clicking on the three dots at the start of the post, selecting ‘report post’ and follow the instructions or if the cartoon in on CartoonStock we can do it for you. It can be quite satisfying removing a post that has garnered lots of Likes and reposts for someone else, and could make them think twice if they see ‘their’ Likes disappear.
For other situations, Bob Mankoff stated, “The CartoonStock employs copyright policing companies and money is recovered and distributed to the cartoonists.”
My work is archived at the CartoonStock (and my originals can be purchased at Curated Cartoons) and it’s a big benefit to cartoonists. If you love cartoons I recommend you peruse their site. If you are a cartoonist represented by them, I encourage you to spread the word to help them and yourself and promote our field.
More on this subject later. Meanwhile, I received dozens of responses regarding plagiarism with most not wanting to be attributed. It’s a sensitive subject. I will just add only two, that I saw, were for it.
Big thank you to Substack for selecting this newsletter this week. I do appreciate all the very nice feedback I’ve gotten from the newsletter so far, thank you everyone.
I am speaking and giving a class with Mark Shatz, Ph.D., Professor Emeritus, Psychology at Ohio University and author of Comedy Writing Secrets at the 2nd Annual Humor Conference. This event is June 24th and is virtual.
From the website:
All participants will benefit from:
FOUR all-new, one-hour webinar presentations provided by award-winning and bestselling humor authors, all examining different aspects of writing humor. Each session will include an opportunity for live Q&A with the authors!
A critique (with written feedback) of your query letter by a literary agent.
The ability to network with fellow humor writers via discussion boards that will be open throughout the day. Share ideas, and even your work if you choose.
Unlimited OnDemand viewing! All conference sessions will be made available for download in the week following the live presentations. Even if you can’t attend every session live, you will be able to view each lecture on your own whenever you choose.
Drumroll….this issue The Felix goes to Vaughan Tomlinson for this cartoon in The Weekly Humorist.
Vaughan’s cartoons can be found and purchased on The CartoonStock here.
To order this book or many of my others go online to Bookshop by CLICKING HERE.
And with that, this ends another issue of The Bob.
The Bob is published approximately monthly. Paid subscribers will receive additional issues which include longer humor pieces and deep-dive into humor advice.
Pickleball, The Musical is fantastic.