The Twelve Days of Christmas

The Bob's Holiday Recap

12 Hours of Yule Log. Someone on Facebook asked name a TV show that was consistently good from its inception and throughout its run. The predictable answers were all there; M*A*S*H, Breaking Bad, etc. For my money, it’s the Yule Log. The most consistent and cheapest show ever produced.

11 Cups of Coffee. A day.

10 People Complaining. Lactose intolerant or just general intolerance? It is a jolting contrast of personalities thrown together for a couple of days. It’s like Survivor but with eggnog.

Courtesy of West Side Rag

9 Ornaments Hanging. Each year Tammy makes a homemade Christmas ornament out of the book I am currently working on.

99 Tears. Tammy gave me the Christmas ornament of my next book project and I got very emotional. It was a reminder of the sacrifices she makes so I could continue doing what I want to do. And then my mom gave us a envelope with a picture of a lake in front of a mountain and underneath it said, “A little something to get you started planning vacation…” Well, I just lost it. There was my mother opening a framed photo of her and my dad (who passed away a dozen years ago)…I’m thinking about Tammy not having been on a non-working vacation in ages (Tammy says, “YOU haven’t had a vacation in decades.”) …thinking about my mother having been without my dad all this time…throw in one of my closest friends passing suddenly a couple of days ago…it was all too much.

For the first time that I can remember in a long time, I cried.

8 New Year’s Resolutions. Have you got yours? My resolution #1—change completely. (Resolution #7; no sugar, no salt, no red meat, no alcohol, no gluten, no diary, no carbs, no wheat, no night plants, no eating after 6pm or before 5:45pm)

Cartoon courtesy of Jane Friedman’s The Hot Sheet.

We don’t have to do all the numbers, do we? Let’s move this along.

6 Texts and Messages I Left My Attorney Cousin Without a Response. Remember the saying, “Do you have a good lawyer in the family?”

5 Golden Waffles! As I waited for my turn at the waffle station at the Medford Marriott hotel Christmas morning, a young man in front of me ignored traditional waffle convention; he didn’t spray the grill, used three cups of batter instead of one, and drifted away indifferent to the timer or astonished line of onlookers. In the aftermath of his completed waffle, he left behind what looked like a middle grade volcano science project.

Before the incident. Notice the signage and clear warning.

We finally decided we are adults and to use the existing hospitality industry. There is no room at the inn now that every last room in my Mom’s house has squatters. My brother lives there with a large dog and his two sons. All three are enormous human beings that are larger than my Mini Cooper. Both nephews discovered love and each have their first girlfriend. There is not even a place to grab a nap or even have a smoke (neither of us smoke) now that it is twenty below outside. Nobody cleans up after the dog in the backyard so that’s a land-mine field. Besides, we were not invited.

Plus, there’s only two toilets in the house for all these people living in the house, and one is equipped with a handicap high seat that I can’t figure out. We used that to our advantage. Needing some alone decompressing time, I discreetly announced to everyone that Tammy has explosive diarrhea and we have to go back to the hotel.

2 People Having a Meltdown. How the mashed potatoes should be made is a good a reason as any for screaming on Christmas Eve. “Get out of my kitchen!”

And on the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me, my upcoming book project on a Charlie Brown tree…

Actually not a book but a game about writing.

Thank you for thoughtful feedback I received from the last newsletter, both privately and in the Comments. There was a lot said regarding the Buddhist situation and I’ll share an excerpt of one here that was left publicly as it took the issue to another level. From Jason Chatfield of New York Cartoons:

The Buddha once said, “We are what we think. All that we are arises with our thoughts. With our thoughts, we make the world.” I’m reading Buddhism, Plain and Simple right now, so ...If you’ll allow me to get a bit high-minded and woo-woo:

I think this cartoon is an immortalization of a thought that arose. You identified with the thought and created this cartoon; you brought the thought into the world. (It may well outlive you, a remnant of your time here.) The least they could do is acknowledge that it was your creation. That would be the generous, Buddhist thing to do as a kind thanks for your bringing it into the world and sharing it. It has nothing to do with your egoic self. They’re conflating it with ‘ego’, which is a bad faith take on your reasonable request…

I always welcome anyone wanting to get high-minded and woo-woo, Jason.

If you would like to hear some talk about snowmen, here is my appearance on Pennsylvania PBS's ArtScene.

An early “business card” from the personal collection of snowman artifacts.

And here is a longer talk on Rick Steves' Europe Podcast.

Happy New Year, everyone. If anyone wants a signed bookplate and bookmark for their new museum book, just let me know and send me your mailing address.

For readers demanding an update: The Pit Stop, a Bronx garage my beloved Mini Cooper is being repaired at right now.

Thanks!