Adult Content on a Quiet Saturday Morning

The Beautiful Game. 4 Minute Read — A Lifetime of Misery

My mom's soap dispenser in the bathroom is a plastic frog that croaks each time you use it.

My nephew landed his first job and after his second official day discussed how he is spending his first paycheck: A personalized clear bowling ball with a beer bottle in the middle (Homer Simpson head was contemplated). He’s going places. I will try stopping him.

WINNER: Creepiest Spam Text of the Week…

hii I think I saw you last Thursday you were wearing those black jeans, right? I wasn’t totally sure it was you, so I didnt say hi. Kinda regretting it now. If youre up for chatting, my main account is above.

I don’t own black jeans. Very creepy. Thursday I didn’t even wear pants.

The following news item is from The Weekly Humorist. Please don’t read any further if you do not use my newsletter as your main news source.¹

The Executive Order to Americanize Soccer

by Bob Eckstein

Washington, D.C. — President Donald Trump and officials spent much of the day reworking the rules of soccer to address the low ratings for the ongoing 2025 FIFA Club World Cup, which continues through to mid-July, all across the United States. The White House administration stated it plans to destroy all the core components of the sport and the spirit in which it was intended to be played.

“It was the Biden Administration who ruined this beautiful sport,” President Trump stated. “The sport is very boring now. The teams in Europe and England don’t know what the f#$! they’re doing. We plan to lift all restrictions. Effective now, you can use your hands. Use them to catch the ball, throw it, punch people or poke someone in the eye, I don’t care. Use your feet like nobody’s business. We’re going to now let players can do whatever the hell they want.”